Toxic Positivity: The Right to Complain

Entrada en español

Entry in Spanish

Good morning, Nighters. How's it going over there? Ready for the new year? I know you are.

Today I will go out a bit of the usual topics to share something I was thinking a few nights ago, thinking about what I want to achieve by 2020, and that I'm sure nobody expects to hear.

The point is that I have the right to complain, to feel bad, to see problems as such even for a moment, and then make use of everything I have learned along the way. Why? Because it is my right, because I want, because I can, and because it is natural.

We all know phrases like "others have a worse time than you" or "and one complains" or "look on the bright side", and you know what? One appreciates the intention, but that attitude is what is called Toxic Positivity.

Simply put, Toxic Positivity is the idea that everything has to be good, beautiful and positive, it is the desire to paint it all pink and impose that perception of the world on others, especially when someone is going through a difficult or frustrating time. Although it is a well-intentioned attitude and is appreciated (to some extent,) it can actually do a lot of damage.

It is natural to feel bad, disappointed, hurt, weak... As humans, we are imperfect and shine for our failures, our mistakes, and bad choices. However, understanding them is part of learning, along with the catharsis that this merits.

Letting out feelings is important to keep a clear head and a calm heart. It's useless to want to pretend that things are good when in reality they are not. Facing reality is a fundamental part of the process, and it is our right to feel bad, let out whatever we feel, and move on.

This for me was something VERY difficult to learn as a man and, to top it off, having Asperger Syndrome. As a child, I was taught that "men do not cry," that "men are strong," and many more ideas of that kind. Toxic Positivity at its best. Again, although they were instilled in me by people who wanted the best for me, in reality, they ended up hurting me a lot in the long run.

Having Asperger syndrome, it is difficult for me to understand or process feelings and emotions, sometimes even thoughts, and to top it off I must repress them? Do you count as they are not there? My brain burned out more than once; my friends and family are witnesses.

Every time I complained about something, someone told me "you are a man, you are strong, you can deal with this", "it's nothing, there are worse things" or (my favorite) "don't make a scene". Sure, because I loved to do drama by trifles in Elementary School. We all loved doing it as children.

It's okay to want to see the positive side of everything, it is okay to want things to be fine, but it is not right to pretend that others do it, or tell us that we have no right to express what we feel. Just as it happens when we want to shout out our achievements and feel that we are on top of the world, sometimes it is necessary to let out frustration, spite, fear and crying.

If there is something my parents taught me, there are few worse things than to accumulate emotions, leave them inside and drown in them. Keeping quiet never did anyone any good, and as I have the right to talk about my achievements, I have the right to complain and feel bad. Letting things out is the first step to a balanced mind.

Greetings and hugs!